Why Am I Doing It?

Been reflecting on a series of decisions I’ve made. The question “Why” is a terribly important question.

After seeing my hopes fade on some possibilities, I had to ask myself some tough questions, like should I surrender? (short answer: I’m not, but I still need to ruminate about it and reflect on that)

I began realizing tonight that part of the sadness results not from the missing the original goal I had, but from others that cropped up along the way. It’s sorta as if you’re getting excited to do the roadtrip to hit up that concert 1,000 miles away, and you pick a few really cool spots along the way and you end up getting more excited about those spots than the original destination! Then something happens and you can’t do those, but you still get to see the concert — in the end, you got to do what you wanted at the very beginning, but those additional goals were completely missed.

I had originally set a somewhat altruistic goal, but over time it really became about me — me, me, me. Now that that self-centered goal is no more, I yet have that dreaded question: Why am I still doing it?

I think this is reorienting me much more closely to being devoted to the original mission, rather than my own selfish pride. Once everything is stripped away, you really begin thinking about what you live for.